How to Handle Difficult Emotions

Most of us have lived long enough to hear that catchy little tune, "Don't worry. Be happy." Maybe it was playing on the radio while your hip was acting up, or someone quoted it to you when you were going through a valley. Chances are, it made you want to swat them with your cane.

That is what the youngsters today call "toxic positivity." The truth is, sometimes life is not all church picnics and sunshine. And pretending everything is fine when your heart is heavy does not help. It just spreads the misery. The good news is, God gave us a full range of emotions, and you can work through them without making yourself feel worse.

How Does a Person 
Work Through Them?

1. Uncover what you are feeling. At our age, stepping back to check your mood is just as important as checking your blood pressure. It gives you a clue about what is happening inside. For example, it is perfectly natural to feel upset, sad, or even a little cranky if a friend disappoints you or your arthritis is flaring up. Even the psalmists complained to the Lord!

2. Allow yourself to feel it all. The human brain tries to avoid pain. That is why when we hurt, we tend to distract ourselves with television or eating one too many of those butterscotch candies we keep in the nice glass dish. But facing your emotions is the only way through them.

Next time you feel down, do not rush to fix it. Take the time to feel it. Remember, Jesus wept. He felt sorrow deeply. In fact, research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that people who allow themselves to accept and feel their negative emotions actually experience better psychological health and find it easier to loosen the grip of those emotions (Source: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5767148/).

3. Work at regulating your feelings, not repressing them. Instead of avoiding your emotions, work on controlling them when they bubble up. For instance, if you feel angry because the grocery store rearranged the aisles again, take a few deep breaths. Pray for patience before you give the manager a piece of your mind.

Do not try to bury your feelings or act out in a way you will have to confess at church. Burying motions only makes them feel heavier. A healthy approach means finding the balance between stuffing your feelings down and throwing a full-blown temper tantrum. When you find that balance, you express yourself the way God intended.

4. Do not beat yourself up for not feeling happy and excited all the time. We all have mood swings. You would think by the time we qualified for the senior discount at restaurants, we would have outgrown them, but we have not! That does not mean you are weak or lacking in faith. It just means your emotions are alive.

Even the most optimistic, faithful folks feel down sometimes. The ups and downs are part of being human. Instead of trying to eliminate every negative feeling, focus on counting your blessings to increase the positive ones. Punishing yourself for feeling down will not help you cultivate joy.

5. Be realistic but entertain your hopes. Being optimistic about the future does not mean you will never experience sorrow. A person can feel negative about certain aspects of their life, like a diagnosis, the state of the world, or the fact that a cup of coffee costs five dollars now, and still trust in God's hopeful future.

For example, you may feel worried about a recent health scare or a global issue. But you can still believe Romans 8:28, that all things work together for good. If there is one thing that is constant in life besides change, it is God's grace. So even when you are feeling sad or angry, try not to hold onto those emotions forever. You will only be hurting yourself.

Working through difficult emotions takes time, effort, and the patience of Job. It could take you a week or months. Remember, however, that the Lord does not demand perfection as you adjust your feelings. As long as you are working at it, you will slowly see positive changes in your emotional health.

Please share your thoughts and any response you may have in the form below.

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